Big Eye, Part Deux

I ordered decaf coffee at dinner. I think that our incredibly smart waitress brought me not only coffee, but perchance even espresso what with me not being tired in the least. Normally in the non-working months that's not a big deal. But I actually have a workshop to go to tomorrow. Ah, well, who needs to pay attention to pointers on how to encourage literacy...

It was a banner day...

My friends all know that there are two things in life that completely creep me out. Feet and midgets. No, I don't know where either of these "irrational fears" (thanks, Chadd) come from, but they're there nonetheless...So yesterday, I faced them both. And the fact that I'm still alive and able to write AND laugh about it gives me hope.
It started yesterday when my friend, Jenny, wanted to go get pedicures. Now, I've had pedicures before, but I can generally never go at the spur of the moment. I have to have time to prepare. Even then, I squirm in my chair and make faces. Amanda loves going with me. But I had my pedicure (given by a man, no less) and was okay. At about 5.30, we went and met up with a bunch of friends for sushi. Yumsters. Then it was off to Mercy Lounge to see Denny Diamond. Yes, he covers that other Diamond...Anyways, the first opening act was called Panty Raid. They were a burlesque group who apparently met at the tattoo parlor. The anouncer fellow kept saying they were the best burlesque group in Nashville. My gosh, I'd hate to see the worst. I thought these things were supposed to be teasey and sexy, like in Moulin Rouge. These girls had the moves of a water buffalo. You just wanted it to be over. And I'm not just saying that from a woman's standpoint. Men were laughing and mocking as well. It was awful. How could the evening get worse? Oh, easy! Bring on the little people. Next in line was miniKISS. I kid you not. 2 men and 2 women dressed full out like Gene Simmons and company. They jumped around and cussed like sailors. They also sang about as well as dying cats. The clincher was when the "drummer" came up to sing "Beth." I love this song. But when the slaughter began I wanted to cry. Dan, the lady from the marathon sounded like Celine Dion compared to these people!! When the train wreck was finally over, we were standing around waiting for Denny to come out. Al comes running up and says the lil'folk are walking around in the audience and wants to go find them. So, I did. We found mini Gene and got our picture with him. He even had his hand on my back. After the picture, he hands me a business card and says in his mini voice, "Email me the picture. I need it for our website!" Right. That'll happen. And here's what the business card says: "we specialize in mini-talents including mini kiss, mini jay leno, mini elvis & priscilla, mini me & mini you. We have bartenders & male/female strippers for you next party. Whatever your needs, we're her to please." AAUUGGHH!! I now need to go wash my hands in bleach. We make our way back up in front of the stage for Denny. He comes out in his leather and lavender sequined glory. Sounds just like Neil. Scary. But in a good way. Mini Gene, having now been out of the spotlight for 10 minutes gets back up on stage. He had had a beer, so I'm fairly certain he was wasted. Anyways, he won't go away. He just keeps standing there. I think Neil, er, Denny, was smiling uncomfortably to cover up the fact that he wanted mini Gene off his stage. Finally, mini Gene was going to go over and dance by the keyboard player who gave him the mean eye. He exited stage right immediately. We left shortly thereafter due to the fact that it was about 8,000 degrees on the pavement. My nerves were shot. But I do have photographic evidence of my misery, so I'll get back on later and publish some photos. I know you're already looking forward to mini Gene and me.

30 is the new 20

So they say...I have no idea what that really means. I guess it's like saying pink is the new orange and red is the new black, which I've also heard. Anyways, the point is

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAN!!

Waterworld

So last night I got home around 11-ish and heard a loud humming sound. After some investigation, I found that my side yard was completely flooded but couldn't find the source of all that water. I turned off the spigot and that seemed to take care of things. I went back out this morning and turned it back on to find a hole in my hose pipe. Thanks Millie. So disaster averted right? Wrong. At 11.30 I was waking up from a nap after an oh so strenuous morning when I heard running water. Not just like toilet running sound, but vast quantities of water passing through the pipes. I thought maybe someone was using the spigot on the other side of my house so I opened the door to check. Of course there was no one there, but oops I haven't watered those plants in a couple of days. I went to the sink to fill up a pitcher of water. Turned on faucet. Nothing. No air, no water, nothing. Meanwhile, I'm still hearing water gushing through the pipes. So I turned off the main water and called the plumber. They responded quickly (yea) but then proceded to treat me like an idiot (boo). I told him what happened and here's how our conversation went:
Me: Told story from above. Ended with I don't think these two things are related though because I obviously just need a new hose pipe out here.
Plumber: Well, see you have a hole here in your hose pipe.
Me: Right, but that wouldn't explain the sound of running water this morning or why there was no water coming from my faucet.
Plumber: Had you turned off the water?
Me: I turned off the spigot last night, but I just turned off the main line 20 minutes ago.
Plumber: Well then your water didn't come on inside because that's off.
Me: No, I tried to turn on the water in the sink before I went out to turn off the main line.
Plumber: Well, does the spigot work now?
Me: Yes, but there's a hole in the hose pipe. Look, I'm not so much worried about the spigot thing anymore. What I want to know is why could I hear water running inside but then had no water?
Plumber: Let's go turn it on and see if it's working.
It did. Plumber smirks.
Me: So what happened?
Plumber: I don't know. You know, your air conditioning unit puts off a lot of condensation. I mean a lot. That's probably why your grass was wet.
Me: No, I really think it was the leaking hose pipe that did that. Besides, it was an inch of water at least, my ac doesn't condensate that much.
Plumber: Hm.
Jerk face. So then my water started working but was brown forever. I went out to ask should it still be brown and guess who didn't have an answer. BUT my neighbor was outside and she didn't have water either so someone must have shut off the main line to our street or something. Gosh, I'm glad I don't have to pay for this crap.

A Brief Missive on Why I am Becoming a Non-Lover of Felines

I'm starting to not love my cats for two reasons:
1. Yesterday, at 4.53 in the a.m., Koshka starts shaking my door (I wasn't even in my room, I was in the guest room, but she found me!) and crying. Loudly. I opened it to let them in so I could go back to sleep. Mavis started playing with the blinds by my head. Then, visiting baby woke up and dog started barking, all within an hour, so trying to get back to sleep became futile.
2. After having been rudely awakened yesterday morning, I was quite tired last night. I actually went to sleep quickly and easily, that's something rare for me. Sleeping. Sleeping. Sleeping. CRASH! What the heck? Is someone breaking in? No, the cats knocked over my humongo peace lily and broke the pot, thus, ironically, shattering the peaceful slumber which I was so enjoying. So I go downstairs and clean it up some. Mainly just picked up the broken pot and put the otherwise unscathed plant in the sink, dowsing it with bitter spray so they won't chew it up. Back to bed. Hm. My thumb is burning. Turn on light. Horrible sliver of a cut at the base of my thumb. Why is it that small cuts like this (and paper cuts) hurt worse than huge gaping wounds? Did I mention that it was 4.30? Again in the a.m.? Yeah, so not caring about a little blood, I turned off the light and went back to sleep. This morning, I went down to let out world's best pet and clean up the mess of dirt. Neat, one had tried to eat some of the plant, but failed miserably and the remnants of said attempt were all over the floor. What a lovely way to start the day.