Charmingly Abrasive and Other Random Musings

Summer Books

2007-07-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

Really? A year? Melody was right...I have been in the dark ages. Anyhoo...I do not read much during the school year. I have this bad habit of not putting books down, so that can make one quite tired when they then have to go teach 6 year olds. During breaks, however, I am a voracious reader. Here's what I've read so far:
1. Michael Chabon-"The Yiddish Policemen's Union"--ug. I was not a fan. The end was SO frustrating because it just, well, ended. I did learn lots of Yiddish words. Just not sure what they all mean.
2. Elizabeth Gilbert-"Eat Pray Love"-Sigh. I cried my way through vast portions. Other parts made me roll my eyes. She can be a little too new age-y for my taste, but it's a fantastic book for people going through significant life changes.
3. Khaled Hosseini-"A Thousand Splendid Sunds"-I will read everything this man ever writes. The story is about 2 Afghani women whose lives intertwine in an incredibly unfortunate way. I read this one in a night. The last 100 pages or so are traumatic. Keep tissue close by. But, whatever you do, read it.
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. JK Rowling-the Harry Potter series. Holy cow. These are even better reread than on the first go through. There are so many clues and teases that you don't (or at least I didn't) catch the 1st time. One problem I've had though is that I've seen the movies since I read the books. So I'm reading and expecting something to happen and it doesn't because they'd added it to the movie for dramatic effect. Frustrating! That is why I am not going to see the new movie until after I've read the last book. I can't believe it's almost over. I feel like we should make a mix tape or something to commemorate all the good times we've had with Harry.
10. Jonathan Safran Foer-"Everything is Illuminated"-I got about 60 pages into it before deciding it was time to start HP. The jury is still out.

Another Reason I Love Nashville (and surrounding areas)

2006-07-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm still working on my Mexican adventure post, but, in a probably vain effort to get off of Katie's critical list AGAIN, I thought I'd do a filler piece on last weekend. Which was awesome.

Last Saturday, we went to Murfreesboro to Al's house to go play disc golf. Unfortunately, the course was closed and we didn't have time to go to a different one. We've really gotta start checking out which courses are closed and when as this is the 2nd time in a row this has happened...Anyhoo...we went back to Al's and met up with Vick. Then headed over to Uncle Dave Macon Days. If you're not familiar with UDMD, it's a big bluegrass festival. They have a main stage where they have competitions, performances, etc...They also have crafts (mostly Amanda and I looked these over to see what we could make), food (yea for fried pickles, fried green tomatoes, and fried mushrooms...hm...I'm sensing a theme), and Civil War soldiers. Yes, Civil War soldiers. And period dressed women. I felt really sorry for one who was dressed all in black-not a good choice for a hot Southern afternoon. The real fun of the festival is in the area away from the stage. People mill around with their instruments and just sit down and start playing. One little band we were watching had a girl on the washboard and 3 guys playing a steel guitar, upright bass, and acoustic guitar. For their last number, the bass player wanted to switch to banjo. So they said, "Anybody play the bass?" Sure enough, a lady my mother's age said, "If it's easy!" So she bebops over to the bass which is about 3 feet taller than she is and starts playing along. It was great. We heard a few other bands playing, but that was by far the coolest moment of the day. Where else does that happen?!

My New Guilty Pleasure

2006-06-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

So, what with it being summer and all, I have found myself staying up later and later. My summer insomnia (or as I lovingly refer to it "the big eye") has kept me awake well past midnight for about a week now. For those who know me, that is a fete as my normal bedtime during the school year averages out to about 10. Which, yes, means 9 sometimes. But I digress...I was flipping through stations one night and ran across a gem of a program called Parental Control on MTV, because heaven forbid they have a video on...even at 1 in the morning. The premise is as follows: Son/Daughter is dating a complete loser. Parents think they can find someone better. They interview replacements and choose 2 for Son/Daughter to date. Now, not only does Kid have to go on a date with someone their parent picked out, but, and here's the clincher, Parents and Loser Boyfriend/Girlfriend watch the date together. After the dates, Kid decides to either stay with Loser or date New Person. Seriously. The show is hi-LAR-ious. These people are idiots. All of them.

However, considering how right my parents were about the people I've dated, maybe it's not such a bad idea after all...

The Summer of Me

2006-06-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

Is off to a roaring good start!!

Quick list of things I've done in the first week of break:
1. Visited family and played at the pool with the kids.
2. Read 2 books.
3. Went to the pool with Lynn and got just a touch singed.
4. Enjoyed new resteraunt, Cabana, where there was lots of good food, stout drinks, and cute boys.
5. Helped Tabi get ready for opening of store. Her boss is a former bit part actor. He bought us lunch. I've now officially had food with a celebrity.
6. Went to a book signing for Mary Kay Andrews who wrote one of the books I've read this week. Good times!
7. Saw The Break Up. B+ I ADORE Vince Vaughn and Jon Favraeu. Apart they are good, together they are divine.
8. Had breakfast with friends.
9. Bought new Al Gore book in preperation to meet him at Davis-Kidd in 2 weeks.
10. Planned a trip to the beach.
11. Planned a trip to Oregon.
12. Written on my blog twice now thereby doubling the number of posts I've had these past months!

Notice nowhere on the list are the words: slept late. There's a rather annoying bluejay who insists on flying into my bedroom window every morning around 6.30. I figure if he keeps this up he'll be dead soon, otherwise I would take more drastic measures to end this non-awesome event.

Take me off the critical list, Chadd

2006-05-31T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah...I've been spending lots of time on myspace and have sadly neglected the little blog that could. After much abuse from Katie and Chadd, I have made it a goal to do a better job at writing really lame blogs.

Not today, though. I'm home and want to go to the pool...

Spring Break: Day 1

2006-03-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

It's Spring Break!!! And I woke up at 7. :-(

I'm actually in Day 2 now, but I thoughht I would share how I wasted oxygen yesterday. I really did wake up at 7. I was very angry. However, being on the stubborn side, I managed to stay in bed until about 8.15-ish. I watched The Today Show. Usually, I watch GMA, but I was too lazy to change the channel so Today it was. I realized something. Katie Couric annoys the tar out of me. I can't really put my finger on the why, but I just don't see why everyone loves her so much. Give me Diane Sawyer any day...I finally got up and moved from my bed to the sofa. Whew. That was work. I watched a couple of shows I had faux-voed last week and made breakfast. And a full pot of coffee. Mmmm. About 10.45, the drywall guy came to patch cracks in my ceiling and he threw in a Spanish lesson for fun! I shared my coffee, excuse me, cafe, with him. After he left, I moved to the sofa in the living room (I needed a change of scenery) and finished reading David Sedaris' Holidays on Ice. Fantastic book. He is hiLARious. It's like reading a whole book of Chadd. For those not in the know, the book is a collection of short stories. My favorites were SantaLand Diaries (best line: "...it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity."), Front Row Center, and Dinah, The Christmas Whore. I'm trying hard not to give in and go to the library for another of his books. You see, I read a lot during breaks from school. Still on the list for this week are: catching up on my Bible reading, Jane Austen's collected works, The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night-time, and Reading Lolita in Tehran. Ambitious, but completely possible. So I need to hold off on more Sedaris. It's tempting, though.

I pretty much diid bumpkis the rest of the day. I met Chadd, Katie, Amanda, and Dan at Rotier's for dinner. Yum! I had a Wienerburger. mmmmmmm...Oh, and I went to Tower beforehand to use the gift certificate Amanda gave me for my birthday, um, not this past one, but the one before. Prompt! Anyhoo...I got the Patty Griffin cd that was recorded live at the Ryman in 2003 (A Kiss in Time). oooh, and I just remembered it came with a dvd so I'm now going to pause to put that in...Right, so anyways, I was saying that I was at that show (and btw, who knew she had videos?? were they made especially for this dvd?) and it was fantastic. I believe (this video for "Rain" is stupid...she's a cartoon...I hope it gets better) that it was the show when the curtain caught on fire during Buddy Miller's opening act. (The video is not getitng better...Patty, ouch. Let's see if "Chief" is better.) Last time we saw her, she had new songs which makes me think a new cd is coming soon and that means another tour!! (yeah, this has real people and is better...)

Hm...well, I was going to go meet Jeremy at the Pred's game, but it was late and rainy when we were done with dinner so I went home. Rocking out with Patty all the way, of course. I got home and played TextTwist for quite some time, chatted with Melanie, and then went to bed...Very productive day. Today should be another veritable whirlwind of activity so I may need a catnap to get my energy up. ;-)

Three Things I Love:

2006-03-13T15:11:00.000-08:00

1. Rain.
2. Jack Johnson.
3. Jack Johnson singing about rain.

I've been sitting on my couch since getting home from school. I'm trying to get Baby Emma's blanket finished as she may be entering the world shortly past 8 tonight (that's when Jenny's going to the hospital). It's raining like a mother outside and I have iTunes on random...With all my music, it has played Banana Pancakes twice. Three times if you count me just now rewinding it. Weird. I love this song, though. I like most of Jack Johnson's music. Sometimes it seems to all blend together, but good grief it's relaxing. I want to take a nap. Or make pancakes. One or the other.

get LOST

2006-02-25T10:34:00.000-08:00

Well, we finished watching the first season of Lost last night at about 1 am. I loved watching it again, but especially I loved watching it with people who hadn't seen it before. It was so fun to know what was coming and hear them gasping and yelling and screaming. It was also very cool how much you catch on the second go round. I think Janel and I drove them nuts when we would start whispering about stuff that has come up in the second season.

So, while watching my favorite show with new folks was great...I've made some new friends from it, too. I don't really remember how it all came about, but Lesley had mentioned it to me and I probably invited myself along. We make dinner (highlights: Mandy's individual cheesecakes and last night's breakfast for dinner shmorgasbord), watch, recap, laugh, recap, and have a great time. And here's what I've learned:
1. Walt is a freak.
2. Lesley is hilarious to watch serious shows with...She gets so into it, it's precious.
3. From liking crusty food to hating feet, Mandy may just be my soulmate.
4. Speaking of, never tell Cory you don't like feet or his will be in your hair in about 10 seconds. (Shout out by the way to Cory's group Vocal Union who we learned last night is going to record a demo for McDonald's: Ba da da da da. I'm lovin' it. Mwaaaa.)
5. JJ Abrams is a friggin genius.
6. Susan (my Stumps, my Stumps, my Stumps) can bestow theme songs in a nanosecond.
7. JT is hiLARious. And good at picking up on details.
8. There are fine nuances in the difference between Dirty Hot and Filthy Hot.

Now I better go...my newest acquisition from NetFlix is Nosferatu and I need to start paying attention...

The Funniest Thing I Heard This Week Award

2006-02-23T19:48:00.000-08:00

Goes to the kid working at the Tea & Coffee Shop in Birmingham. Jenny and I had a fabu spa morning and then went for lunch at this cute little bistro coffee shop. As we're enjoying our lunch, a woman comes in with her daughter. The following is the dialogue between mom and working kid:

Mom: Do you have grilled cheese?
Kid: Um, no ma'am. We don't have a grill.

I wasn't sure I heard that right until I looked up at Jen and she's looking at me to see if she heard it right. Maybe it was a had to be there thing, but she called just this afternoon giggling about it again. Good times.

Best. Movie. Ever.

2006-02-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching The Usual Suspects. For the 80 gazillionth time. It is so stinkin' good! I think evey time I've watched it, I've discovered something different. I love movies like that, and it's so hard to find them. Memento is another movie that does a nice job with the "Holy crap!" factor, but I just don't think anything will ever top my boy Kevin Spacey. Mmm. Chills. Any others that I need to be aware of?

And now for a random assortment:
1. We had a snow day today. Yea! I love snow days without snow. I went to the gym with 2 girls from school and then we went to eat Mexican food. You gotta love it.
2. I've stayed out until 3 am the past two Saturdays! Now, for the normal world, I realize that's uneventful, but I'm practically 80 when it comes to my bedtime so I was impressed with myself. Both times I was with my friend Lisa, who is one of the funniest people on the planet. What's most impressive is that I also made it to church. On time. Go me.
3. Millie just ripped one and my eyes are watering.
4. I hate Valentine's Day. Not because I'm single. Because of people that talk about how much single people hate Valentine's Day while at Target. I was there today getting stuff for the kids tomorrow and these two chicks were just going on and on about how bitter single people are about it. I'm not bitter. I just think it's a commercial holiday. And yes, I thought that when I had a Valentine so there. Shut it.
5. Seriously, I have to go let Mills out. She's killin' me.

Greetings from my new computer!

2006-01-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo! I got everything deleted off my lemon of a desktop yesterday and have now set up my new computer. For those of you waiting with bated breath to know what I have now...It's an Apple iBook G4. I LOVE it. It took all of 5 minutes to set it up, while it took 5 hours to take the other one down. Here's a bit of advice: Never get a Dell. I don't know if the one I got was just wonky, but it had problems from day 1. My dad's hated it for 3 years. He could never get it working correctly, and he's literally taken his computer apart and put it back together just for fun. I don't mean unhooked things and plugged them back in...I mean he took chips and whatnot out of the bowels of the thing and reassembled it. I remember going through his office at home and Tron looking stuff was just all over the place. It was scary. So anyways, hopefully this new one will not give me problems like the old one did. Hm...this posting was as boring as one of Dan's...I apologize for that...Hopefully I'll have something more interesting soon...though I doubt I'll ever equal Chadd's butt shot.

Ha!

2006-01-26T18:44:00.000-08:00

I wish I were this funny: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/17DanReed.html

Things that make you go hmm...

2006-01-25T15:08:00.000-08:00

So I splurged and bought a new computer yesterday. I haven't hooked it up yet. I'm still going through this lemon of a computer deciding what I need to back up and save and what I can trash. I was going through the pictures in my Outlook and stumbled across this email from Jenny. She sent it to me on January 27, 2003. Yes, 2003. I'm a pack rat even with technology! Anyways, I just couldn't bring myself to delete it because it makes me laugh every time I read it. Here it is for your enjoyment:

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out."
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
10. What do you call male ballerinas?
11. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
12. Why are Trix only for kids?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
19. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
20. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
21. Why do the "Alphabet" song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?
22. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
23. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

And...just an afterthought...when you read #21, why did you run through both songs real quick to make sure?

How does this work again?

2006-01-22T18:07:00.000-08:00

Oops...So it's been a month. My bad. Here are two completely random things that have happened since December:
1. Went to Las Vegas. Didn't get married, but saw Flava Flav.
2. Went to a movie. Didn't love it, but saw Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman (see Katie's blog).

I am very popular. Or at least that's what I'll keep telling myself!

And, yes, Katie, I know you're going to say this was a completely lame post...I agree. But considering my computer is all wonky I figure that the 10 minutes/day that my monitor actually works is almost up so I had to make it quick.

Feels Like the First Time

2005-12-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

I went to see Narnia again this afternoon with my friend Nicole. It was SO much better on the second go-round. Amanda and I went to see it on Sunday and I haven't had a worse movie experience since the man sitting behind me in Murder By Numbers pleasured himself through the majority of the film. Seriously? That movie was terrible! Anyways, on Sunday the couple beside me (who were not, in fact, children--them I expect to talk in a movie...I don't enjoy it, but I expect it) decided it was their job to vocalize everything that was happening on screen. Beaver enters the movie--"A beaver!" A rhino? "Rhino!" During the battle scene Captain Loudmouth exclaimed "A gryffin!" He then has to go on to tell his girlfriend, Dimwit, what a gryffin is. Really? Can't you just look at the screen? Does he really need to tell you what one looks like when there are 5 flying around in front of you? My favorite part was when they tried to identify the Biblical characters that paralleled Lewis' characters. "Oh, she's Mary Magdalene!" "Moses..." Moses? Yes, Moses. Then they played the game of guessing what Aslan says next. I think my armrest was just about shredded. After the movie, I wanted to turn to the parents of the 7 and 9 year olds behind us and thank them for their exemplary parenting skills.
So the movie was so much more enjoyable today. I actually caught some things that I had missed the first time due to either not being able to hear (because did I mention Loudmouth and Dimwit didn't even bother whispering?) or at that moment I had tried the polite quit-talking-before-I-hit-you-in-the-face glare. Nicole laughingly leaned over and pointed out a couple of animals, but my knuckle cracking quickly put all joking aside. It is a wonderful movie. Beautifully done. I stand in awe of the special effects. I'm hoping that this one will do well and they'll make the other books into movies, too. I'd love to see The Last Battle...but so help me if anybody talks!!

Bah Friggin' Humbug

2005-12-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think that Ebenezer Scrooge was a school teacher. This week has been the most pointless ever spent in the classroom. We've been doing worksheets like "Snowball Short Vowels" and "Kwanza Cheer Sequencing." No, seriously. Today I actually resorted to threatening to take away our holiday party tomorrow if they didn't stop acting like lunatics. They were bouncing off the walls. Putting up with crazy all day has just made me tired and all I want to do is come home and sit in the dark and suck my thumb. I don't want to turn on Christmas lights. I don't want to listen to my "Rockin' Best Christmas CD Ever" cd. Nothing. I went shopping after school for snacks for our party (because I'm not REALLY going to take a party away from 7 year olds) and just threw a bunch of crap in my basket. I think I got some Christmasy cookies, but I'm not really sure. All I have to think is 12 more hours...12 more hours...12 more hours...Hm...I feel a song parody coming on...I'll start and you, my loyal if slightly disgruntled subjects, must finish it:

Twelve Hours Before Christmas (to the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas---cuz you didn't see that coming! But we'll just be counting down.)
On the twelfth hour before Christmas my students gave to me
12 pounding headaches...

Go.

Hottie McHot

2005-11-11T21:55:00.000-08:00

Sigh...I just got home from going to see the new Pride and Prejudice. Now, while the BBC version remains, in my opinion, the best adaptation of the book that can ever be made, this one had Matthew MacFayden. I think his direction in the scene to the left was, "Walk. Look hot." Yeah, he nailed it. The movie was really good overall. And I think we were all in agreement that every man who was there got lucky tonight...And what did us single gals do? Well, we headed over to The Cheesecake Factory for some chocolatey goodness. And wine...And, already reveling in the Mr. Darcy afterglow, we then had the good fortune to have our cake served by these gents:
Um, yeah...It was a good night...

Hooked on Ebonics

2005-11-11T06:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went on our very first field trip of the year. There's a program called ArtSmart that teachers can participate in and you get a guest artist who comes and does 3 lessons with the kids and you go on a field trip. This year, the program was Sones de Mexico. They are a Chicago-based band who put on a show of traditional Mexican songs and dance. It was good, but lloonnngg. Especially for my wiggly first graders. Anyhoo...another first grade teacher who went has a bunch of hooligans in her class so myself and the other 2 first grade teachers each took a couple of the more rowdy ones. (We have ELL and they act like angels...usually.) One of the boys I took cracks me up. He was also in first grade last year and I had him for after school tutoring. He absolutely can not NOT talk. So on the way back to school, I sat with him and asked him how he liked the show. He said, "I had fun up in there." Now, immediately my mind starts replaying the Delta Ebonics commercial. Favorite line: "You goin? We get you there. You been? We done flown up in dat." I had to turn away and look out the window while I giggled. Then I thought of Angie because I think we recited the whole commercial while walking down the street in London...Angie, if you read this--I miss you!! And sleep peacefully knowing that ebonics is alive and well in Nashville...

Special Guest Star Reader #1

2005-11-09T14:19:00.000-08:00

As usual, Amanda kicked off the SGSR series. She came today and read A Bargain for Francis. This was one of my favorite books growing up, but Amanda had never even heard of it. Thanks for being a trooper and reading it anyways!! (I have a picture that I took with my camera phone, but for some reason when I try to post it, the picture is literally the size of a thumbnail and all around it is fuzzy screen...If anyone knows how to correct this let me know!) After Amanda read, we closed the day with a soul stirring rendition of Tony Chestnut. Don't know what that means? Come read to my class and you'll find out!!

Sadness

2005-11-04T04:35:00.000-08:00

Last night I was in Green Hills to meet up with friends for my roommate's birthday dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I had some time to kill so I thought it would be a good time to check out the new Davis-Kidd. I went in not expecting much, I knew it wouldn't be the same as the cozy bookshop down the street had been. I was still unprepared, though, for how commercial D-K has gone. I walk into incredibily bright flourescent lighting (boo #1). The upstairs is pretty small, but not bad...Okay, this might not be horrible. Then I go downstairs. Boos #2-100 happen down here. First of all, the music and movies section is huge. That's not a bad thing if you're Borders. If you're Davis-Kidd, that's not what your focus is supposed to be on. Remember your ONE aisle of music/movies? Yeah, that was fine. An entire section is now set aside for this. And really the music people (or at least I) bought was the local or folksy stuff...I can't imagine going to D-K for the new Backstreet Boys (even just typing that I think I just threw up a little). To the right of the stairs is row after row devoted to gifts, cards, and other retail frivolities. Again, small space worked before. Now I know this store is bigger so there's room to spread out, but this expansion has made Davis-Kidd lose it's quaint, comfortable, BOOKsellers feel. Oh, and don't even get me started on the signage for the movies/music and kids' sections. Big, bold...Borders. I'm sad, Davis-Kidd. I remember coming to visit my brother in college and the old store was always one of the first stops for my family. When I lived in Green Hills, I was in just about every week. I live off Nolensville Rd. now and I still occasionally made the 25 minute drive just to browse or sit and have a glass of wine at Bronte and skim through a potential buy. So maybe I should say thanks for going commercial on me...Look at the money I'll save on gas.

Don't ya think?

2005-10-31T20:17:00.000-08:00

i*ro*ny-n.-a. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs;
b. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity.

Example: One of my kids scored 100 on his Spelling test. Yet, he spelled his name wrong.

Hm. Take a lesson, Alannis.

And here they are...

2005-10-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

So he had some others, but these were, in my opinion, the best...

Ryan singing (probably during "Demons" or at least I like to think that as it's my fave)

The whole band...sigh!

Guster is for Lovers

2005-10-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

I just got in from a fantastic show at the Edgehill Community parking lot. Yes, parking lot. I've often said you can do things in Nashville that you can do no where else. For instance, the Henpeck Market aka Lewisburg Pike Citgo Station is a fantastic place to go for homemade catfish and live bluegrass music. So going to a parking lot seemed perfectly normal. We got there early and saw Griffin House. I enjoyed him even though he was a little on the loud side. Granted, we were standing in front of a speaker so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Jars of Clay was supposed to play next but apparently someone got very sick so they had to cancel. Old Crow Medicine Show stepped up and filled in and did a great job. These guys are fantastic. They look like they're in their early 30's, but their voices are those of 80 year olds...but that's exactly what's needed for good hillbilly music. And they're all about the hillbilly. Katie said they're from the Ozarks...of course she also said the "Ozarks of West Virginia" but we're chalking that one up to a blonde moment. She did have the best quote award for "They're from the mountains...that's why they're so dirty." They were way fun...But the real giddiness came at approximately 8.12 when Ryan, Brian and Adam took the stage. I told Katie before the show that if they played "Demons" she would have to hold me. And guess what they opened with?! They played a couple of new ones that were really good (is there really any such thing as a BAD Guster song??) and then played "Happier." Now, I can't put into words how happy I was at this point. My three favorite songs, in no particular order, are: Demons, Happier, and Either Way. They haven't played Either Way in years, but they made up for it by playing "Come Downstairs and Say Hello." It just such a good show. Dan got some really good pictures that I'll post as soon as he sends them to me...

Cheerio!

2005-10-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

We're leaving tomorrow!!! I can't believe the time is here...I need to go do laundry and pack but I did want to say fare thee well and PLEASE keep us in your prayers this week! We'll be home next Sunday and hopefully there will be ample blog fodder for your enjoyment!

Summa cum Laude

2005-10-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

Millie graduated today!!! Her "Leave it!" was a little iffy, but she nailed everything else. She got a blue squeaky bone that she'll never play with as she hates those things. So if anyone needs a dog toy, let me know...Here are some pics of the proud pup:
She was pretty exhausted after an intense round of sit, down, and stay so she posed very well...I like that she smiles!! Best. Dog. Ever.

She recupperated quickly and got to play with her new friends...

Her favorites in class were Charlie and Logan who are fighting over the blue bone...and Judge, but he just had his manhood taken away on Thursday so he wasn't allowed to play...

Millie and Logan were the biggest brownnosers in class. I like to call it "Teacher's Pet," though.

Overall, I think her namesake would be proud...

Backlog

2005-10-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

So...I have some pics I've been meaning to post all week. The first is my boyfriend, Vince Vaughn. He was in town last Friday night hosting a comedy show at the Ryman. Let me just say that I love going to the Ryman. I would probably go there to watch people pluck their eyebrows. It's just that good of a venue. I got a little nervous before the show started because my mean friend, Chadd, said that the screen was on stage because Vince wasn't really there--they were just going to broadcast him in from some nether regions...Now I hadn't even thought of that until Chadd said anything, but it did kind of make sense. Thankfully, he was just trying to get my goat, and Vince was there in all his 7 ft. splendor. Sigh. The show was really good.
Then...last Saturday I picked up my friend, Lance, and we headed down to T-town for the Alabama-Florida game.
This is a truck we saw after we crossed the state line...If you can't read it, the back says "Big Daddy loves Sweet Thang." Gotta love it!! Lance had made a cd that told a story of our day. Here is a sampling of the songs and the scenarios:
we think about the upcoming game all week--I'm So Excited
what I had to do before I asked Lance to go--Listen to Your Heart
what I did before leaving for the game--At the Car Wash
getting to the game and walking to the stadium--Walking on Sunshine
Florida pulls ahead for a bit(which they never really did)--King of Wishful Thinking
I apparently get into a fight (bc apparently Lance thinks I'm trashy...thanks)--Smooth Criminal
he talks to the cops and gets me out of trouble--I'm a Believer
we trounce Florida--The Best of my Love
and just cuz we like this song and sang it all the way to South Dakota--Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Thanks, Lance...Still not sure why I'm the skeeze that got into a fight. Anyways...unless you live under a rock, you know that Alabama completely obliterated Florida. My two favorite parts of the game? 1. Completely losing my voice by the end of the 2nd quarter. 2. This moment when the team came out to sing Rammer Jammer:

I'm Grounded

2005-10-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

By myself from ever going to Target with Amanda again. We had a great time, but now that I'm home and have unpacked my bags I'm wondering, "Did I really need the SpongeBob SquarePants house shoes?" Well, the answer to that is yes because I'll wear them to school for Pajama Day and my kids will think I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread...But I probably didn't really need a new purse (but it's awesome) or a cosmetics bag (but my trip is coming up and this is smaller than the one I have) or the products (again, the trip!) or the pajamas (but the drive-in is having a pj party) or the Halloween shirt (but it's got It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown on it and we'll watch that at school so technically it's a learning aid)...So, yeah, call me the queen of rationalization!!

I Heart Public Access

2005-10-04T05:11:00.000-07:00

Well, usually I do anyways...It's HILARIOUS!! Where else can you see a slighlty more than middle-aged man wearing spandex and calling himself Bat Poet? There's also a show called Two Men Who Don't Know Anything About the Movies and they give, you guessed it, movie reviews. Sometimes I wish I had a camera on me and my friends so that I could broadcast on PA. Last night, however, I was incredibly disturbed. I couldn't sleep and usually PA is a go-to for boring and puts me out. Last night when I tuned in though, it was to witness a woman in a bathrobe at the grocery store. She was singing some song that I should know but had changed the lyrics to be about why she loved food. She was walking around the grocery fighting with the workers and putting food in the robe. The truly horrific part was in the chorus when it flashed to her at home in bed (seemingly naked) with food all over her. I shuddered. I gagged. I couldn't look away. I had nightmares. Well, not really. I did dream that Madonna and Guy Richie broke up but I don't know what that has to do with a woman rubbing food on herself. Ew.

I'm off to see the wizard...

2005-09-29T14:38:00.000-07:00

Not really. But I am off to a book signing at Davis-Kidd. Diana Gabaldon is there tonight and I am SO excited!! Her new book came out Tuesday and I think I have shown the highest degree of restraint humanly possible since I haven't gone and picked it up yet. I fell in love with Diana, er, her books, when I was 16. My friend Megan's mom had read this book about a woman going back in time to the Scottish Highlands. I have always been a lover of all things UKish so I devoured the book. It wasn't until years later, looking for some light beach literature (read: good smut) that I stumbled upon the book and found out, lo and behold, it was a series!! So over the next 2 weeks, I read those 4 books. With each weighing in at around 900 pages, you can imagine how nonexistent my life was...It was worth it, though!! Well, now this is the 6th book and I finally get to meet Diana. I may cry. Just a little.

Rum and Monkey

2005-09-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

So Big Orange Michael has a link for this site on his blog. Out of curiosity, I clicked on it and am having way too much fun finding out things like my "crappy little elf name" (Marehand Granitebottom), that I'm Adolf Hitler on the "Which Genocidal Maniac Are You," and that I think the flag of Hong Kong is hot. Good times. Check it out.

Yea, I got picked!!

2005-09-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Vick, for tagging me. I feel so loved! So here are my answers:

7 things I plan to do before I die:
~get married and have a family
~see Machu Picchu
~go to Africa
~learn to speak Spanish
~become a great teacher
~knit a whole sweater
~read the Bible cover to cover

7 things I can do:
~read
~knit
~cook
~make people laugh
~speak Russian
~relate well with children
~sing every word of "Manic Monday" (ask Katie!!)

7 things I cannot do:
~lie well (not that that's a bad thing ;-))
~play a decent game of poker...may have something to do with #1
~arch one eyebrow
~root for Tennessee or Florida
~play the guitar, but oh how I've tried
~draw well
~move farther away from home than I am now

7 things that attract me to another person:
~laughter
~wit
~honesty
~helpful nature
~creativity
~spirituality
~ability to express themselves

7 celebrity crushes:
~Josh Duhamel
~Hugh Grant
~Kevin Spacey
~both Wilson brothers
~Vince Vaughn
~Damien Rice
~Viggo Mortensen

7 things I say the most:
~Just kidding!
~Arg.
~Are you sitting like first graders?
~Is that how a first grader walks in the hall?
~Millie, crate!
~Are you on your way? (usually to the perpetually late Amanda, wink wink)
~I need chocolate!

Tag, You're It!
~Kasey
~Justin
~Dan
~Ange
~Jenny
~Kevin
~Mom

Things I Never Thought I'd See at a Coldplay Concert

2005-09-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

1. Rednecks
2. White Trash
3. Rastafarians
4. Britney Spears clones
5. Dosey-Do's--This was brought on by their cover of "Ring of Fire," which falls under the category "Things I Never Thought I'd Hear at a Coldplay Concert...It was fantastic.
6. People my mother's age wearing crocheted skirts...It was decidedly NOT fantastic.
7. Rabble rousers getting arrested for stealing beer
8. Funnel cakes
9. Katie
10. A dearth of frat daddies (maybe they were in the seats...)

Songs Waiters Will Never Sing to You at a Restaurant

2005-09-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

1. Happy, Happy Breakup...We're sorry you're alone...
I think I'll change my number...So you can't stalk my home!
2. Happy, Happy Engagement...Why did she say no?...
You look like a decent guy, so what if she's a ho!
3. A decent rendition of Happy Birthday
4. Happy, Happy Thursday...The week is almost done...
Tomorrow will be Friday, and you can have some fun!
5. Happy, Happy Layoff...Sorry 'bout you job...
We don't keep much money here, so please do not rob...(big finish) us!

The Rest of the Story

2005-09-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I've slacked at posting the commentary for the rest of our trip to England...Oops. So, hm, where was I...ah, yes, the Lake District. We left for the Lake District on Tuesday morning. By the time we arrived in Windermere, it was raining cats and dogs...and it continued to rain the rest of the day and most of the next. On Wednesday, we went to Grassmere which is the town where Wordsworth lived when he wrote Daffodils. That's the one that starts out, "I wondered lonely as a cloud..." It was gorgeous. I truly feel like if I lived in such a bucolic place that I would be a great poet, too. Instead, being me, I just named the sheep things like Sweater and Mittens. Thursday, we took a lake cruise over to Ambleside and hiked to some beautiful waterfalls. Luckily, it had stopped raining this day and we were experiencing some of our best weather of the entire trip. I dare say it was warm while hiking through one particular cow field. Or maybe it was just because we were running around on some Roman ruins. I don't know...So that afternoon whilst having our daily cream tea, we notice the news is on and they're talking about some bombings. Keep in mind, the last news we heard that day was that London won the 2012 Olympics so we make a joke about the French being really pissed. Then I got out our mobile and saw we had missed calls. I listened to the messages and one was my dad saying, "Call us now." Literally, that's all he said. So then I knew something was up. I called mom and she is who told us about the terrorist attacks in London. When we got back to Windermere, the flags were all at half mast and we made a beeline to the bed and breakfast and turned on the news. We tried calling several friends just so someone would know we were okay. Turns out, friends had already hunted down my parents in Huntsville and had already been assured of our safety. (Way to go, Katie...If I ever need to stalk someone, you're my wingman!!)
The next day we left for Bath. It was actually hot in Bath, stupidly hot as our tour guide said. We ran into Bruns and Amy and got to have dinner with them. How many times is that going to happen in life? Ho, hum, walking down a street in England...oh, look...people we know!! Craziness. We did a tour of Stonehenge, Avebury, and two Cotswald villages. Back in Bath we of course toured the baths, and we also went to the costume museum. It was so interesting to see the clothes from hundreds of years ago. And boy am I glad I didn't live then. Corsets...totally invented by men.

So, Sunday we headed back to London. We were on strict orders to stay out of the Underground so we waited in a taxi queue that was about a mile and a half long. It moved suprisingly quickly. We went to the hotel, threw our stuff down, and booked it across town so we could see the flyovers of the WW2 planes that was the culmination of a series of memorials that had been taking place all week. The flyovers were at Buckingham Palace. We got there and we're looking up taking pictures of planes...Mary grabs my arm and hurls me around as she's yelling, "It's the queen!!" And sure enough, there she was. Along with Charles, Camilla, and Prince Harry. She would wave down at the crowd and, yes, I'm a nerd, I waved back. I'm convinced she saw me. Dad's friend, Rob, took us out to dinner and then on a whirlwind tour of London at night. It was a lot of fun. I mean, who else can claim to have been to the smallest house in England (I daresay, in the world). Seriously, midgets wouldn't fit side by side in this thing.
So a grand time was had by all. I look forward to going back to the motherland in October, although the trip will be VERY different. After October, I may start planning my Europe in 30 trip...Anybody up for an adventure??

England Trip...First Leg

2005-07-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday
After being induced into a state of delirium at the Toronto airport, we finally boarded the plane for England. I slept more on this flight than I've ever slept on a plane before. We got to London, found our hotel, cleaned up and hit the streets. We went straight to Live 8. We heard Annie Lennox and UB40 and heard the broadcast of Green Day and Black Eyed Peas. It was neat just being down there, but it was also a little bit of a disappointment. I thought they'd have tables and such set up, at least at the entrance, promoting the cause. But there was nothing outside the gates of the park. Oh, well, that's what I get for not returning Bob's calls. After a while, we headed back to Kensington and had fish and chips at the Stanhope Arms. It was kind of bleh so we found a pub down the street and sat outside for a couple of pints. We got hooted and hollered at by some blokes down the street, but mine eyes were on the firefighter that rode by. Yumsters. Anyhoo...Turned in early-ish.
Sunday
Hm...what to do today? Oh, let's go to the flea market in Notting Hill. Went. Found lovely things. What next? Wimbledon? Oh, alright. We headed down to Wimbledon and were able to get passes in. We found a great spot to watch the finals, Fedderer v. Roddick. Fantastic view. Alright, alright, it was on a big screen, but still we were there! The atmosphere was amazing. We were surrounded by hundreds of people who acted like this was center court. I'm not a huge tennis fan, but I found myself cheering and oohing and ahhing right along. After the match was over, we left. We started looking for somewhere to take our picture so that Wimbledon would be in the background. We walked up and down this little stretch a couple of times and were just giving up when this guy walked in front of me. I turned to Mary to jokingly say, "Val Kilmer" (we both find "famous" people in everyday folk) but her eyes were taking up the majority of space on her face. I said instead, "Oh, that really is Val Kilmer." and she just kind of nodded. So we stalked him for a bit and gave him time to finish his hot dog whilst standing in line for a taxi. Then we moved in and took our picture with him. He was not overly gracious. Now, I know famous people like their private time, too, but you're famous. You've chosen a life for yourself that puts you in the public eye. Get over it. People want to take your picture. We said please! Besides, the four people that ever saw Top Secret are in my family so I've earned the right to get my picture with you. We then left Val to head back to London. I found a Haunted London walking tour to go on that night. While it was about as scary as Strawberry Shortcake, it was very interesting because he pointed out little details and tidbits that aren't in the guidebooks. Afterwards, we headed over for Soho and found Raj, a fantastic Indian place. mmm! Nan bread is my friend.
Monday
Happy Fourth of July! While we didn't want to go around being obnoxious Americans and saying nanny nanny boo boo (okay, I did want to, but I showed a great amount of restraint) we did have a soul-stirring rendition of patriotic songs performed by our own Mary Gattis. Amanda and I joined in with an interpretive fireworks dance. It was beautiful. Then we were off to Oxford for the day. Oxford was amazing. We went to the Botanical Gardens and went punting. Our punter was HOT. (I'm sensing a theme with the good-looking Englishmen) And so polite..."Is it proper to wish you a Happy 4th of July?" Absolutely, hot punter. We went to Christ Church College and did a tour of the cathedral and grounds. It was stunning. Oh, we also all bought scarves in Oxford. Good thing we got them, too, because it was stupidly cold the first part of our trip. We got them at a shop that sold hilarious t-shirts. Examples: I have the body of a god. (Buddha) and I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. We laughed at the shirts for quite some time. We got back to London and went to clean up. Rob suggested a Lebanese place at High Street Ken so we went there for dinner. Words cannot describe the goodness. I want to go back here in October. So, a good 3 days in London. Tomorrow, we're off for the Lake District.

Riddle of the Day

2005-07-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

What has 5 zip codes, crosses 3 time zones, and spans 2 Canadian provinces?

Give up?

The Toronto airport!

I fell in love (big fat HA!) with this bohemoth monstrosity on my trip to England. I don't know which was worse: Air Canada or the Toronto airport. They both rank very high on my "Things I Will Never Do Again" list. In fact, they're numbers 1 and 2! Air Canada, to borrow a phrase from Chadd, suck great big donkey boobies. Overall, the people were SO rude. We encountered maybe 3 that didn't make me sad for mankind. You had to buy snacks on our first flight. No peanuts, no pretzels...That flight, for no apparent reason, was almost 2 HOURS late getting into Toronto so we missed our connection for London. Now generally, we found that you could arrive 2 hours late and still be 3 hours early for an Air Canada flight, but of course this time the exception proved the rule...So anyhoo, we got rebooked for a 10.30 pm flight to London. Yeah, we're gonna delay this one too...We left at 1.15 am. Neat. Ten days in England. Awesome. These will be blogged about seperately because the trip was incredible. I'll skip to the end. Yep, on time for the London to Toronto flight. We make it to Toronto and actually have almost 2 hours to make our connection (which, by the way, is still going to be cutting it close what with all of the buses you have to take to get from one terminal to another. I almost commandeered a bus when the driver got out and just walked around and we were left growling.)...Everything is hunky dorey. Oh, except for that it's raining in Atlanta. And Air Canada is apparently the only airline that Atlanta is turning away. So our flight got cancelled. They ever so accommodatingly rebooked us on another flight. For 8.30 the NEXT night. We finally ran into one of the good ones who rerouted us to Nashville. Where we taxied to the middle of a runway and had to walk across the tarmac to get inside. I didn't realize anyone still did this.

Girls, we've still got to get together to write our epic poem about the badness that is Air Canada...

Big Eye, Part Deux

2005-06-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

I ordered decaf coffee at dinner. I think that our incredibly smart waitress brought me not only coffee, but perchance even espresso what with me not being tired in the least. Normally in the non-working months that's not a big deal. But I actually have a workshop to go to tomorrow. Ah, well, who needs to pay attention to pointers on how to encourage literacy...

It was a banner day...

2005-06-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

My friends all know that there are two things in life that completely creep me out. Feet and midgets. No, I don't know where either of these "irrational fears" (thanks, Chadd) come from, but they're there nonetheless...So yesterday, I faced them both. And the fact that I'm still alive and able to write AND laugh about it gives me hope.
It started yesterday when my friend, Jenny, wanted to go get pedicures. Now, I've had pedicures before, but I can generally never go at the spur of the moment. I have to have time to prepare. Even then, I squirm in my chair and make faces. Amanda loves going with me. But I had my pedicure (given by a man, no less) and was okay. At about 5.30, we went and met up with a bunch of friends for sushi. Yumsters. Then it was off to Mercy Lounge to see Denny Diamond. Yes, he covers that other Diamond...Anyways, the first opening act was called Panty Raid. They were a burlesque group who apparently met at the tattoo parlor. The anouncer fellow kept saying they were the best burlesque group in Nashville. My gosh, I'd hate to see the worst. I thought these things were supposed to be teasey and sexy, like in Moulin Rouge. These girls had the moves of a water buffalo. You just wanted it to be over. And I'm not just saying that from a woman's standpoint. Men were laughing and mocking as well. It was awful. How could the evening get worse? Oh, easy! Bring on the little people. Next in line was miniKISS. I kid you not. 2 men and 2 women dressed full out like Gene Simmons and company. They jumped around and cussed like sailors. They also sang about as well as dying cats. The clincher was when the "drummer" came up to sing "Beth." I love this song. But when the slaughter began I wanted to cry. Dan, the lady from the marathon sounded like Celine Dion compared to these people!! When the train wreck was finally over, we were standing around waiting for Denny to come out. Al comes running up and says the lil'folk are walking around in the audience and wants to go find them. So, I did. We found mini Gene and got our picture with him. He even had his hand on my back. After the picture, he hands me a business card and says in his mini voice, "Email me the picture. I need it for our website!" Right. That'll happen. And here's what the business card says: "we specialize in mini-talents including mini kiss, mini jay leno, mini elvis & priscilla, mini me & mini you. We have bartenders & male/female strippers for you next party. Whatever your needs, we're her to please." AAUUGGHH!! I now need to go wash my hands in bleach. We make our way back up in front of the stage for Denny. He comes out in his leather and lavender sequined glory. Sounds just like Neil. Scary. But in a good way. Mini Gene, having now been out of the spotlight for 10 minutes gets back up on stage. He had had a beer, so I'm fairly certain he was wasted. Anyways, he won't go away. He just keeps standing there. I think Neil, er, Denny, was smiling uncomfortably to cover up the fact that he wanted mini Gene off his stage. Finally, mini Gene was going to go over and dance by the keyboard player who gave him the mean eye. He exited stage right immediately. We left shortly thereafter due to the fact that it was about 8,000 degrees on the pavement. My nerves were shot. But I do have photographic evidence of my misery, so I'll get back on later and publish some photos. I know you're already looking forward to mini Gene and me.

30 is the new 20

2005-06-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

So they say...I have no idea what that really means. I guess it's like saying pink is the new orange and red is the new black, which I've also heard. Anyways, the point is

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAN!!

Waterworld

2005-06-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

So last night I got home around 11-ish and heard a loud humming sound. After some investigation, I found that my side yard was completely flooded but couldn't find the source of all that water. I turned off the spigot and that seemed to take care of things. I went back out this morning and turned it back on to find a hole in my hose pipe. Thanks Millie. So disaster averted right? Wrong. At 11.30 I was waking up from a nap after an oh so strenuous morning when I heard running water. Not just like toilet running sound, but vast quantities of water passing through the pipes. I thought maybe someone was using the spigot on the other side of my house so I opened the door to check. Of course there was no one there, but oops I haven't watered those plants in a couple of days. I went to the sink to fill up a pitcher of water. Turned on faucet. Nothing. No air, no water, nothing. Meanwhile, I'm still hearing water gushing through the pipes. So I turned off the main water and called the plumber. They responded quickly (yea) but then proceded to treat me like an idiot (boo). I told him what happened and here's how our conversation went:
Me: Told story from above. Ended with I don't think these two things are related though because I obviously just need a new hose pipe out here.
Plumber: Well, see you have a hole here in your hose pipe.
Me: Right, but that wouldn't explain the sound of running water this morning or why there was no water coming from my faucet.
Plumber: Had you turned off the water?
Me: I turned off the spigot last night, but I just turned off the main line 20 minutes ago.
Plumber: Well then your water didn't come on inside because that's off.
Me: No, I tried to turn on the water in the sink before I went out to turn off the main line.
Plumber: Well, does the spigot work now?
Me: Yes, but there's a hole in the hose pipe. Look, I'm not so much worried about the spigot thing anymore. What I want to know is why could I hear water running inside but then had no water?
Plumber: Let's go turn it on and see if it's working.
It did. Plumber smirks.
Me: So what happened?
Plumber: I don't know. You know, your air conditioning unit puts off a lot of condensation. I mean a lot. That's probably why your grass was wet.
Me: No, I really think it was the leaking hose pipe that did that. Besides, it was an inch of water at least, my ac doesn't condensate that much.
Plumber: Hm.
Jerk face. So then my water started working but was brown forever. I went out to ask should it still be brown and guess who didn't have an answer. BUT my neighbor was outside and she didn't have water either so someone must have shut off the main line to our street or something. Gosh, I'm glad I don't have to pay for this crap.

A Brief Missive on Why I am Becoming a Non-Lover of Felines

2005-06-06T04:52:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to not love my cats for two reasons:
1. Yesterday, at 4.53 in the a.m., Koshka starts shaking my door (I wasn't even in my room, I was in the guest room, but she found me!) and crying. Loudly. I opened it to let them in so I could go back to sleep. Mavis started playing with the blinds by my head. Then, visiting baby woke up and dog started barking, all within an hour, so trying to get back to sleep became futile.
2. After having been rudely awakened yesterday morning, I was quite tired last night. I actually went to sleep quickly and easily, that's something rare for me. Sleeping. Sleeping. Sleeping. CRASH! What the heck? Is someone breaking in? No, the cats knocked over my humongo peace lily and broke the pot, thus, ironically, shattering the peaceful slumber which I was so enjoying. So I go downstairs and clean it up some. Mainly just picked up the broken pot and put the otherwise unscathed plant in the sink, dowsing it with bitter spray so they won't chew it up. Back to bed. Hm. My thumb is burning. Turn on light. Horrible sliver of a cut at the base of my thumb. Why is it that small cuts like this (and paper cuts) hurt worse than huge gaping wounds? Did I mention that it was 4.30? Again in the a.m.? Yeah, so not caring about a little blood, I turned off the light and went back to sleep. This morning, I went down to let out world's best pet and clean up the mess of dirt. Neat, one had tried to eat some of the plant, but failed miserably and the remnants of said attempt were all over the floor. What a lovely way to start the day.

Lady of Leisure

2005-05-31T20:30:00.000-07:00

AH. I have had a very nice day. One day of the year, I am completely frou frou. Today was it. Here's how my day went:
6.30: Let Millie out.
8.30: Drive through Caffino for a Caramel Latte. Yum!
9.00: Blue River Canyon--I go into this little room for my facial and mud wrap. Laying on the table are two things roughly the size of Q-tips. They're paper, well, for lack of a better word, I'll call them underwear. They do stretch out some, but not a whole lot. Chicky-poo comes back in the room and slathers me with mud. Now, I thought it would feel kind of gross, but it really didn't. It is quite warm. So I'm all mudded up and she procedes to wrap me as one would filling in a burrito. No kidding, I was wrapped in like 6 blankets. Being completely incapacitated, she then begins my facial. It lasted for, hm, I would guess an hour. I have no idea. I have lost all sense of space and time by this point. After the facial, she wipes most of the mud off and I go into this little room for a Hydrotherapy bath. I find it to be more like a sensory deprivation chamber. Still not knowing what time it is or if armageddon has begun, I soak in the bath for quite some time. Oh, and they put little chocolates and bottled water by the tub for you. mmm. I have to say that I did get a little bored in the tub. Had I but had a glass of merlot and my Diana Gabaldon book, I think I might still be in it. At long last, some mean woman comes over the intercom in my room and tells me it's time to get out. So I get out and start getting dressed. Sigh. Why did it have to end?
11.30: Holy spa treatments, Batman! That lasted 2 1/2 hours!! I then hand over a kidney, my left arm, and my first born child as payment. It was well worth it.
11.35: Hm. I have some time to kill. I'll just bebop my way over to Wonder Nails for a mani and pedi. Sandy is excited to see me. She is even more excited that I actually let her use the razor blade on my feet. (You would have been proud, Vick!)
12.45: Yep, still have time. What is that across the street? Miyako? Sushi sounds good! I treat myself to some deliciousness and a glass of wine. mmm, again...
1.20: Crikies! Now I'm running late. I was supposed to get my hair done at 1.15. Oh, well, good thing Wendy is always running behind. As I'm sitting under the dryer whilst the highlighting gook takes effect on my incredibly dark roots, I read, for the first time in a decade, Seventeen magazine. Wow. I'm glad I'm not a teenager. To put the icing on the cake that is my day, Wendy shampoos me extra long. TWICE! I'm a big fan of anyone rubbing my head, but Wendy is the best.
3.30: I stop by Kroger and the liquor store for ingredients for dinner.
6.00: (Yeah, I did a fat lot of nothing between times.) I start making dinner for myself, Amanda and Mary. I LOVE to cook. Tonight's menu consisted of steak (can't claim them, Kev made 'em), hash browns, sauteed mushrooms in a port wine sauce, and broccoli with peppers and feta. Because feta makes it betta.
7-ish: After dinner, we start getting down to the nitty gritty of planning our trip to England this summer (July 1-11). Now I've already had a fantastic day, and I really don't deserve more good stuff, but we learned just today that Bob Geldof is planning a Live 8 concert in London. July 2. It's free. I just found out that you do have to have tickets for the London show, but all I have to say is yea scalpers.
10:50: I am now done typing up my day and ruminating on the goodness therein. Tomorrow, I clean.

BHH

2005-05-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am home this weekend for Memorial Day. Last night, my parents' friends cooked out and had us over for dinner. My parents' friends are HILARIOUS so naturally I jumped at the chance to go spend an evening with them. We went over, fixed our plates and then segregated--boys in the dining room, girls in the den. We had a much better time than the men thanks in large part to stories Martha told of her husband's family.
It all started earlier in the day when I said I was going to wear my elastic pants to Jane's since she makes huge quantities of food. Dad asked why I would wear plastic pants and it all went downhill from there. Mom told us about Denton's Aunt Clendell who, not wanting to deal with her husband's incontinence, would cinch a Hefty sack around his waist and put him on the couch. Seriously. This conversation came up at dinner and Martha was able to add valuable details. Such as, no, Aunt Clendell didn't cut leg holes for him as that would have defeated the purpose (apparently, Depends had not yet been invented). Anne asked if he moved around like in a potato sack race. We weren't sure he did all that much moving. Many more ribald jokes were made and the conversation ended with this:
LInda: Is he still with us?
Martha: No.
Chorus of 5 Southern Women: (sigh) Bless His Heart.

Awesome. Did it end there, you ask? No. This is the same side of the family that, refusing to put Mama Kay in the nursing home, would load her up (hospital bed and all) in a flat bed truck and move her from basement to basement so that the siblings could take care of her. And, yes, one of those siblings was Aunt Clendell. Bless Her Heart.

Random Stray Hairs

2005-05-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is my blog on random body hair. Don't deny it. You have one. Everybody does. I actually have two. One is on my left wrist. It's an odd hair that grows longer than the rest and stands erect on my arm. I remember the first time I noticed it. It got caught on my Swatch. The other is on my right eyebrow. It's white. Not blonde, white. I constantly pluck these hairs, but they always grow back. Stealthily. But constant. It's almost comforting to know that whatever is going on in my life, I always have an errant hair on my wrist.

So where's yours? (Dan, if you don't tell your story, I will. You've been warned.)

I'm a Rock Star

2005-05-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

So here's something to boost the ol'self esteem: I went to Kroger right after school today. Apparently, that's the time to go and be seen as most of the kids from school are there at that time. As I was wandering the aisles, I kept hearing "Hi, Ms. Gray!" and "Mom, that's Ms. Gray." Whispers followed me everywhere I roamed. Yeah, I rock. I felt like Hillary Duff. I may have to invest in some big Jackie O sunglasses so I can be incognito...

The Girl is Mine

2005-05-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

So I just got home from adopting Milly. We went by PetSmart and bought lots of goodies that she could care less about. I was kind of kidding when I said I would go ga-ga over the first one. It's just that she's perfect! Remind me to never foster a child.

And we have a winner!

2005-05-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

For the world's most sedentary dog. Mine. I went and picked her up today. First, let me say she's SO cute. Her name is Leslie (they picked it out, I would have named her Millard Fillmore in honor of our rockin' 13th president...I'd have called her Milly). She slept just about the whole way to the park. At the park, we walked for a bit. She laid down. Amanda, then Chadd, then Dan, then John all tried to get her to play. She rolled over for a belly rub. Dan did finally jog around with her which completely wore her out and she slept all the way to dinner. At Bobby's Dairy Dip guess what happened--she went to sleep (albeit preciously at my feet). On the way out she was almost eaten by what looked like a wooly mammoth. That was all very taxing apparently so I helped her mellow out by playing some Jack Johnson which I could tell she dug because she slept all the way home. We got home and I let her in the back yard. She pooped and is now napping. If this keeps up, I'm going to have to adopt her...And change her name.

My New Best Friend

2005-05-14T23:00:00.000-07:00

I went to the Patty Griffin show at the Ryman tonight. First of all, I must say that Chadd is the go-to guy for tickets. I knew it was going to be good when we showed the usher our tickets and she said, "Oh, you're down front." I'm sorry? Did we win a contest? No, Chadd's just awesome. We went to our seats which were 5 rows back from the stage. FIVE rows! Now I know there's really not a bad seat at the Ryman, but I was about to cry as we just kept walking closer and closer to the stage. I was in awe when we sat down and I realized that I could, from my seat, spit my gum and hit Patty. I decided then that we would be BFF (for those of you who didn't experience junior high as a girl, that stands for Best Friends Forever). The opening fellow was good. I don't know his name, but he was a slightly skanky version of Antonio Banderas. He played a mean accordion, though. It was very fun music and would be great to salsa dance to. Not that I know how to salsa. But I imagine it would be fantastic.
Then Patty came out. She started on the piano and sang a lullaby that her grandmother used to sing to her. I remembered it from the last time I saw her. She told a lot of stories about her songs then, but didn't tonight which was a little disappointing. I like to know where songs come from, especially ones as intriguing and evocative as hers.
My favorite part of the show was when the band went away and it was just Patty. With her guitar and a voice that absolutely breaks my heart. She sang Long Ride Home, which is one of my all time favorites. Then she sang a new song. Oh my word. I will buy the cd the day it comes out so I can listen to it in the privacy of my own home and cry like a baby. It was beautiful. I almost cried in the Ryman, but I didn't want to embarrass Chadd. Then I saw he was crying, too, but I decided to stay strong. She did one more new one and then moved to the piano. The band came back out, and after a few songs Buddy Miller came out. One of the songs he played with her was Rain. That is the very first song I heard by her. She had me at "Now I don't want to beg you, baby, for something maybe you could never give. I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life, I just want another chance to live." Pause for a moment of quiet reflection.
The concert was over too stinkin' fast. Before I realized it she was talking about finishing off the set. What? You just started! Urg! She did come back for an encore (more on that later) and sang Tears of a Clown, which was very fun. Four whole people actually stood up and danced. She closed with Icicles. Good choice, Patty.
Okay, now for the encore rant. Chadd brought it up in the car, and it's actually something I've said before, too: I hate the concept of the encore. It's not like it's ever a surprise. There's already a set list. Do we really have to stroke your ego that much? We already paid $50 for a ticket. We like you. Just play the songs.
Hm. Now it's 1 am. And, to paraphrase Curious George: After a long day and a good night, LB was very tired.

Why does Dan think I like lists?

2005-05-11T15:05:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Reasons I Love Going to the Gym:

10. Walking into the locker room and being overcome by CK1 fumes. Nothing rejuvenates like burning olfactory passages and watery eyes.
9. Seeing a woman who is apparently a big fan of the tanning bed. She brought back fond memories of a favorite brown leather purse.
8. Pirate pants. The brighter and bolder the print, the more masculine you become.
7. Leotards on men. After all, who can be bothered with the weight of actual clothing when lifting the equivalent of a Yugo?
6. Watching Ladder 49 in the Cardio Cinema. Because John Travolta in sappy dramas inspires me more than Vin Diesel's biceps ever could.
5. Listening to Gold's broadcasting channel which features advertisements for the gym I'm already in.
4.They teach frugality. You're going there to sweat. Why should they turn on the air conditioning? Practice this tip at home and save loads on your electric bill.
3. Mirrors. Everywhere. To remind you maybe you're not making the progress you thought you were.
2. Grunting. I feel that my pivoting skills have increased exponentially simply by walking through the free weights area and being startled by what sounds like someone being blugeoned.

And the number one reason?
1. Finding boyfriends for Amanda...Today's jewel apparently used every bottle of peroxide ever made to bleach out his hair. What really transfixed me, though, were the ponytail and his wife-beater tucked into shorts that were probably made to fit my 5-year-old nephew. Grr.

What Girls Say While Watching Star Wars

2005-05-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

And now for a random assortment of utterances overheard at tonight's all-girl viewing of Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope:
-C3PO is completely gay. (LB)
-If I were a gay robot, I could find a better partner that R2D2. (Janel)
-Have you ever wondered why R2D2 never gets stuck in the sand? (Vick)
-His parenting skills are greatly lacking. (Tiffany on Darth)
-Dad! You always did like Luke better! (LB, wishing we would watch it on mute and supply our own dialogue)
-Let the weird incestuous overtones begin...(LB)
-You think Luke gets a tan line from that outfit? (Vick)
-Cut your bangs! (Kacey to Luke)
-I wanna go clubbing with them! (Vick, during scene in Tatoine cantina)
-How much crack did these people smoke before designing the costumes? (LB)
-It was the 70's, my vote is for LSD. (Kacey)
-(After Leia kisses Luke and LB cringes) He's 17! He'd get turned on by a lug wrench, not just his sister! (Janel)
-I always wondered how THAT guy got in the rebel army. He totally could not have passed the physical! (Janel, commenting on large fighter pilot whose name, as it turns out, is Porkins)

And now for the segment, "Things we would say with Jedi power:"
1. No, I haven't been drinking.
2. You want to buy me a Gucci purse.
3. You want to give me the whole day off.
4. You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
5. You want to do the dishes tonight.
6. These are the winning numbers.

So when are we watching Episode 5?!?

I'm gonna be a Mom!

2005-05-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

A foster mom, that is! I go pick out my little jewel on May 21st. Oh, did I mention I'm fostering a dog? It sounds like the way to go...They provide toys, food, crate, and vet care. You provide a face to lick. And a ride to adoption day on Saturdays. I'm so excited!! Now stay tuned as I go
ga-ga over the first little varmint I bring home...

"Christian" does not equal Christ

2005-05-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

After church tonight, I was standing around chatting with friends. We had just had a lovely praise and prayer service which had been preceded by some lovely instrumental music piped in over the sound system. In my head, that had come back on. However, when I listened closer, it wasn't "God is Love" that was playing. It was "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger circa 1985-ish.
You're motoring
What's your price for flight,
And finding Mister Right?
You'll be all right tonight
Seriously? Had I known it was Phil who put this in, it may have explained some things. Especially since he'd just played Joe Jackson. Anyways, this got me reminiscing about Mary and I singing (choir-like, btw) very non-Christian, yet church-like songs at the retreat. Our selection included:
1. Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle
2. Like a Prayer by Madonna (herself non-Christian yet churchy sounding)
3. Johnny Angel by Shelley Fabares
4. Earth Angel by The Penguins
5. Angel of the Morning by Merilee Rush (my favorite) and,
6. Angel is the Centerfold by J. Geils Band
I think that was all of them...Anyhoo, the point, which I was reminded of tonight, is that there is a whole lot of church-speak in incredibly secular music. It's just funny to me. I'm not feeling eloquent or I would expound upon that thought...I'm sure some of you will pick up the slack...

Gotta love the Greeks

2005-05-02T14:48:00.000-07:00

Or at least the people who work in the Greek/Mediterranean eating establishments. They say Southerners are friendly, but I think these people beat us hands down. An example: My new favorite place is Mediterranean Cuisine. I walked in today to pick up my order and the guy asked how my day was, etc...Typical chit-chat. Then he asks how my kids were for me today and when school is out for the summer. How is the testing going? Oh my word. This was a conversation we had about 2 weeks ago. And I have only been in once since then. And that was with a group of 12 people. But he remembered. This kind of thing would happen with Amanda and I when we first discovered Kalamata's. They knew us. It was like Norm walking in at Cheers. Now I don't go to these places any more than I do others, but it just seems that, at places like this, they take more time and really try to remember their customers. Amanda claims it's the same way at Fattoush (he-he, Fat Tush). Has anyone else noticed this? Now if you'll excuse me I have some hummus and shawarma calling my name...

God Bless America

2005-05-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard the sound of a dream dying? I did on Saturday at the CMM. I was there to drop off family and lend moral support to friends. What I ended up doing was bearing witness as this poor woman's career circled the drain. She sang "God Bless America." She tried the soulful warble that just doesn't fit some people (i.e. her), but the real clencher was how she just couldn't seem to hit a note. Any note. Amanda, how did you miss it? Dan, thank you for being there to mock accordingly. Woman, I'm sorry you'll be keeping your waitressing job.

The Tao of Melvin

2005-04-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I am going to start writing a book of Melvinisms. If you're Vietnamese and your name is Melvin, how can you NOT have a sense of humor? Actually, the mere fact that your name is Melvin would probably do the trick. So anyways, coming off of the conversation in the closet the other day, I have decided to start jotting down these little gems. I will give you two today, just to get the ball rolling.

On a field trip last Tuesday, driving into downtown:
Melvin: Ms. Gray! I can read that sign!
Me: Which one? What does it say?
Melvin (pointing to ad for male pattern baldness): We grow hair!
Me: Why would they want to grow hair do you think?
Melvin: Maybe they want to be girls!
This only got better when we got to the symphony and the conductor, an Asian man with long flowing hair, walked onto the stage. There was pure joy and amazement in his eyes.

Today, leaving for yet another field trip:
Melvin: Ms. Gray, you know what?
Me: What Melvin?
Melvin: Sometimes I can dance and walk at the same time!
Indeed you can, Melvin. Indeed you can.

Emissions by the Numbers

2005-04-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

50: number of minutes I waited to have my car tested
15: number of planes that landed at BNA during said time
3: number of times I've been to this God-forsaken piece of earth in the past week
5: number of times I'm fairly certain I nodded off
4: number of workers at testing center
3: number of cars that went through every other line for every 1 that went through mine
1: number of tags I saw that had expired in 2002 (2002?!?)
0: number of enormous chickens at the center this time (someone must have gotten hungry waiting in line)
1: number of times I listened to the ENTIRE Jack Johnson cd in a vain attempt to remain mellow and not hate people
4: number of friends I considered calling to help me through this but reconsidered because I thought they'd either a. be working or b. be in Italy
2: number of times I saw the world's hottest pink car
23: on a scale of 1-10, the intensity with which I had to go to the bathroom
45: speed limit on Nolensville Road
30: speed at which the woman (who apparently does not value life) was driving in front of me
12: months until I have to go through this particular hell again

Tales from the Closet

2005-04-25T12:45:00.000-07:00

Another day, another story about Melvin. Today's episode is set in the A/V closet where I am having to test the kids one-on-one in oral fluency. When I finished that part, I then called some back to complete the writing part. And thus it begins:
Me: Okay, Melvin, we're going to do the writing part of the test now and then you'll be completely done.
Melvin: Forever?
Me: Well, until next year.
Melvin: Ms. Gray?
Me: Yes, Melvin?
Melvin: I wish I had 4 eyeballs. Another one in the front and one on the back.
Me: Why?
Melvin: Because it's cool! And I could watch where I'm going. And I'd run fast!
Me: More eyeballs would make you run fast?
Melvin: Yeah! Cuz I wouldn't bump into things.
Me (now crying from laughing at both the visual and the pure, unadulterated humor of Melvin): Melvin, you're the funniest person I know. I have to write this down.
Melvin: Why? Do we need to amputate?

Sure it's a random conversation to begin with, but now go back and read Melvin's part as a 7-year-old, Vietnamese boy and it just gets better. I love my job!

The Big Eye

2005-04-25T01:05:00.000-07:00

Some things I learned by 3 this morning:
1. Mary, Queen of Scots, escaped her island prison by posing as a handmaid. Stupid boat man took her back when he saw that her hands were "fair and white." Bad ol'boat man.
2. MTV does still occassionally play videos. And not just gangsta rap ones. Moby was just on!
3. Elimidate is the skankiest show on television. I actually already knew that, but there was just a particularly disturbing one where dude took his little sister on the date.
4. The official languages of Nigeria are English, Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo, and Fulani. In that order. Niger is the one I was thinking of that has French as their official language.
5. There's an island in the South Pacific called Pitcairn. The population is 46. One of their main sources of revenue is from postage stamps.
6. According to gangstaname.com, my gangsta name is Supa-Sprung Couch Bouncer. Somehow, I don't think it means "shining" or "illustrious" like my real name. (by the way, I'd like to send a shout out to my homegirl Liz for recommending this mad crunk site.)
7. Once I write the word "shining," it's an impossibility for the song "Shiny Happy People" to NOT get stuck in my head.
8. I get itchy when I can't sleep. Oh, wait, that's probably because I was "smitten" earlier by my liege.
9. Ancillary and auxiliary are, in fact, synonymous: Helping. Ancillary generally means "of secondary importance," though. But, no Claire, your job is not ancillary in that sense. No matter what Metro says. When I rule the world, I will change the title. Or you could ask Dan to now. He's apparantly good at these things (i.e. #8).
10. I don't really have a #10. I just felt I needed to end on a round number.
11. But since I have never really understood what a round number is, I don't really know when to stop.
12. Now's good.

TGIF

2005-04-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a lloonngg day. TCAP's are going on this week and next. First grade doesn't do TCAP. Oh, except for ELL first grade. We do the language accomodation. Who thought that was a good idea? So I've tested my kids ALL morning. Good times. At about 12, we finally finished the tests and got to have a little fun. Dan came to read (thanks again!) and the kids LOVED it. I don't know if they were laughing at the book or the accents, but whenever you're free, please come back! Oh, and if only the day had ended there. No, it's the Friday after report cards. POPS Rally Friday. I can't tell you what the acronym stands for but I can think of plenty of other 4-letter words that I could substitute. Mainly, it's just chaos. I was sitting between Lori and Lisa which is always a good thing when it comes to being subjected to torture. Kids were dropping like flies. It was so hot. As Lisa said, "If you have heat and kids, they're like cats. They sleep!" True. So true. So do their teachers. I'm ready for the retreat.

Gray's Theorem of Utopia

2005-04-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

Playtime in the Park + Rotier's=Happiness

If it makes you happy...

2005-04-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to the new Jack Johnson cd (thanks Dan!) all day. Literally. I find it's one of those cd's that just makes me happy, mainly because it allows for some serious escapist fantasy while listening to it. For instance, I picture myself on a beach with an umbrella in my drink with Jack himself strumming away and singing to me. Grr. Then, Melvin yells, "Ms. Gray, I want to TELL you sumpin" and I'm pulled harshly back into reality. Thanks Mel. Actually the kids are enjoying the cd, too. Yes, I play music for the kids. I like to think it makes them more well-rounded. I usually play NPT, but when I know the news is on and don't feel like explaining what decapitation means, I pop in a cd. Usually it's Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's (and yes I totally looked that up) song of Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World. Possibly the best song ever written. Or combined. Whatever. Anyways, I usually put that song on repeat because there are some other songs on the cd that are a little bizarre. Well, Adrijan noticed one day that we had listened to it about 10 times and called me on it so I've been trying to vary it up a little. Hence playing JJ (not to be confused with Amanda's jankety janked guitar) today. So back to why it makes me happy. I think it's just because it's mellow and does make for such good outside music. The kind of music you would listen to at the beach or even just on your porch. Spring is my favorite time for this kind of music because it's not sweltering so you can actually enjoy spending prolonged periods outside and driving with windows down. I got to thinking about other music that makes me happy in the Spring and the following is what I came up with (feel free to add your own two cents):
1. 10,000 Maniacs Our Time in Eden--possibly the first cd I actually fell in love with
2. U2 The Joshua Tree--or Achtung Baby or All That You Can't Leave Behind or The Unforgettable Fire or Boy (the only one where Bono is actually listed as Paul "Bono Vox" Hewson) or, well, you get the idea...
3. They Might Be Giants Flood--I, too, would oftentimes rather be whistling in the dark
4. Rusted Root When I Woke--simply for Send Me on My Way and Beautiful People
5. The Cure Wish or Disintegration--depending on if I want to be happy happy or melancholy happy-ish
6. Barenaked Ladies Rock Spectacle--Break Your Heart and What a Good Boy are my faves
7. Guster Lost and Gone Forever--I want to marry the bongo player
8. Matthew Sweet 100% Fun--I love this man, but don't tell the bongo guy.
9. Poi Dog Pondering Wishing Like a Mountain and Thinking Like the Sea (don't worry, no one's heard of them...you're not alone, though you are missing out)
10. Pixies Doolittle--Takes me back to 10th grade every time
11.Toadies Rubberneck--I think I listened to Possum Kingdom, Tyler and I Burn about a kadrillion times when I first got this cd
12. New Radicals Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too--You Get What You Give is one of those songs that you never really realized you knew every word to
13. Anything by Bebo Norman--If I don't marry the bongo player from Guster or Matthew Sweet, and if Bebo gets a divorce, I'm so there...
14. Otis Redding The Very Best of is quite good, indeed!
Anyways, those are my picks for Spring. In fact, that's what I have upstairs right now to choose from whilst getting ready or winding down. I'm sure I'm overlooking some, but I'm too lazy to go down and look through my collection. And, now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to my ginormous bathroom, kick back in the tub, and listen to some tunes...

AUGH!

2005-04-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

I hate emissions testing. I think I'm going to start cheating like certain other people whose names start with an A and end with manda and let my daddy get my renewals. Except my daddy lives in Alabama so I guess that won't really work. Maybe the Vicks will adopt me. Anyhoo, the morning started out on the wrong foot. Note to anyone who calls me friend: If you call me before 9 am on a Saturday I will hit you in the face. I'm not kidding. Wear a mask, Ange! So once I was begrundingly awake, I drove over to the emissions testing center on Antioch Pike. That's not entirely true. I drove around on Antioch Pike until I FOUND the emissions testing center. For future reference, it's across from Tofu House BBQ & Restaurant. ew. I sat idling, listening to tunes, when a chicken starts pecking its way across the parking lot. A real, live, enormous, white chicken. Neat. It's finally my turn, and the chick (girl, not poultry) starts going through the motions of checking my car. She couldn't connect the OBD (not to be confused with ODB, yo) and said I had to take my car to the shop to get it fixed before she could test it. So I scootch on over to Brentwood to Land Rover where I'm told had she just held it, it would have connected. They fix it. And my windshield wiper blades. And apparently something had been recalled so they fixed that too. This is where the only bright spot of my day thus far occurred: I met Amanda for hummus and pedicures (not together, and not necessarily in that order). Then I went back to the testing center. Fella says, "Didn't they tell you that you had to drive around for about 100 miles before it could be tested?" No. So still it couldn't be tested. Smart ass then says next time I bring it in to be tested it's free. No kidding. I just gave you $10, buck-o, I don't call that free. Please, God, let Tuesday be better!

What's a skink?

2005-04-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

So another fun planning day in which absolutely nothing was planned is now over. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings were the order of the day. I must admit, though, this was the best planning day ever. Simply for the way it ended. I was on the phone with Amee when I heard shrieks and clattering in the office. Naturally, I went to investigate. I walked in to find the principal, vice principal, secretary, and Title 1 coordinator standing on chairs and tables. Lynn is laughing hysterically. Ms. Boulie looks both scared and angry as hell. "Is there another snake?" I ask, because we have had several snakes in the building this year. Noone knows what it was, just that it was roughly the size of a chihuahua. The principal is on the phone with animal control who is saying not to kill the beast because if it's endangered then we'll be fined $500. Neat. So 3 burly custodians, 5 buckets, and 2 brooms later, the thing is firmly entrenched in the hollow of Ms. Beckman's bookcase. Finally, the calvary arrives. Ms. Leverett, resource teacher extrordinaire. Lynn calls her the crocodile hunter. She goes in. Mark stands bravely at the door with a 3-sided presentation board (they're so multipurpose) blocking the reptile's way back into the main office. At this point, Kathy looks like she's about to cry. Also, she's having hot flashes so she points the fan on her desk to blow right up her shirt. She really freaks out when Peggy comes out holding the thing's tail. Bloody little stump. I want to make Kathy a necklace out of it to ward off evil and small creatures. She says she'd rather have a pistol. Gail announces the thing is a skink. A what? A skink. By this time Linda is on the phone with animal control.
Linda: "It's a skink."
Man: "A what?"
Linda: "Skink. S-k-i-n-k."
Man: "A skunk?"
Yes, sir, and would you like to come in so my first graders can tell you how to correctly pronounce an i? You're a big help. He does finally find someone there that knows what a skink is, and this person says that they don't bite so there's no need to be afraid of it. So then please explain to me why, if it doesn't bite, does Gail emerge with its mouth in a vice-like grip on her finger...Hm. Lynn and I want to change our mascot to the Tusculum Skinks. I think it would be catchy. Here's a picture of a skink. I don't know if this is our skink, though, because ours was actually about 10 inces long. Nasty little beast.

WWGD

2005-04-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

Our Father who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Give us this day our daily olestra
And forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors
Who live with us and vote for the city commissioners we support
Lead us not into temptation of evil croutons
And deliver us from the maytag bleu cheese dressing at J. Alexander's
(But please don't take away our Long Island Iced Teas)
For thine is the kingdom of Brentwood, the power over food, and the glory of Gwesus
For ever and ever
Salud!

My friends and I made up this (highly) modified Lord's Prayer this morning in response to a conversation begun Tuesday night. We somehow got on the subject of Gwen Shamblin, aka Gwesus (oh, how I wish I could take credit for that moniker!). If you don't know who this woman is, think of the craziest most delluded and inherently evil person ever to walk the earth. That's getting close to Gwesus. I say that in all honesty, and without a hint of exaggeration or sarcasm. She's evil. I knew she was crazy when I saw her one night on Larry King. For my friends that didn't believe even Gwesus could say such a thing, here is part of the interview:
"How in the Holocaust did you have all these people getting down real skinny? They ate less food." AND in a depostition she went on that "What I base the genetics on is documentation in the seige in the Holocaust, that when people were in prison camps and ate less food, they lost weight -- all of them." Hm, Gwennie, do you think that could be because their captors were STARVING THEM TO DEATH??

Maybe they're just freckles...

2005-04-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

These words were uttered by Claire while explaining to her father that the white spots on her brain and spinal cord were indicative of MS. Typical Claire. Smart aleck. Witty. Seconds later Angelica, her father, and I are holding her hands and we're crying as Erik prays over her. Her father is quiet. What is this thing that's taken hold of his baby girl? What's happening to our friend who was on a platform dancing when she realized her abdomen was numb? I've been thinking about this a lot today. Somehow even managing to teach the concept of an "inch" to a bunch of 7 year olds. All the while, I'm thinking "who gives a crap about an inch?" Inches don't matter when you get sick. Then, I read Dan's blog. Read about reacting more to a favorite restaurant closing than finding out a friend is sick and why that is. Dan, you sounded almost like you think that's strange. It's not. It's easy. It's human. Hearing that our favorite place for tacos is closing isn't as scary as facing our own mortality. A place closing doesn't make you think, "What would I do if it were me?" A place doesn't make you feel inadequately equipped to support, comfort, calm, distract, or simply be with it. A person does. A person requires infinitely more from us. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We don't have the luxury of a knee jerk reaction when someone we love is involved.

Be thankful

2005-04-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

As I sit here about to fall over onto my keyboard and sleep, I have to take a minute and just say that I am so thankful for my friends. I have had another amazing day (going on two weeks now, yea spring!) today with friends. I realized tonight driving home how lucky I am to have these people in my life. Here is a taste of what I have in my life, and I pray to God that I never lose them:
-Amanda is the most energetic person I have ever known in my life. She loves people. Any people. All people. I often tell her she's running for mayor. She is accepting of anyone and everyone. She knows how to drive me crazy (insisting I'm wrong about something...the nerve!) but knows when to not push my buttons. She's hilarious. And loud. We can disagree and be on each other's last nerve, and 5 minutes later it's as if nothing ever happened. Amanda has been with me through a lot over the past year and a half or so. And for that I'll be forever grateful.
-Chadd is the one who said I was charmingly abrasive, though I don't think he remembers that. His one-liners and asides are precious to me. Chadd makes my stomach hurt. In a good way. It's because I'm laughing.
-Al is quiet, but the king of the pun. You have to listen, or you'll miss it. He is also very accepting, and he's kind. Plus, he has great stories of being a Gippie. He's also the only person who can get away with calling me Lara B. And he can really shake his groove thing.
-Dan is the newest addition to my circle of friends. I don't know how willingly he came into the fold, but we haven't run him off yet. He, too, makes me laugh (I'm sensing a pattern here). Dan has some of the best, grossest, and worst stories I've ever heard. Everything seems to remind him of a story--whether a story of his former antics or whatever--there's always a story.

I have other friends that are equally as important to me, but these are the ones I've been with all day and so they're on my mind. I don't know when was the last time I was this happily and contentedly exhausted. Thank you. Thank you for pushing, challenging, humoring and blessing me with your very nature. I wonder what the next sunny day will bring us...

Tired

2005-04-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we run around and wear ourselves down just so we won't miss out on something? I am tired. After a little too much wine last night and a full day of Goodwill, Southern Thrift, and disc golf I want nothing more than to crawl into my bed, form a coccoon, and remain blissfully unconsious until morning. But no. I am going to Johnny Jackson' Soul Satisfaction. Mainly because I have never been before as I usually gimp myself up right before my friends go there. Also, it will be a fun night out with the girls. But, oh, my pillow is a Siren song right now...